Unlocking the Wisdom Within: A Guide to Understanding Triggers
"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
— Viktor E. Frankl
When You Become Someone You Don't Recognize
Your partner asks a simple question—"Did you remember to pay the electric bill?"—and suddenly you're screaming. Not raising your voice.Screaming.Your hands are shaking, your face is hot, and somewhere in the back of your mind a voice is asking:Who is this person? This isn't who I am.
Or maybe it's quieter but just as devastating. Your colleague's tone in that meeting sends you spiraling into a shame so visceral you can barely breathe. You spend the rest of the day replaying it, your stomach in knots, convinced everyone saw how inadequate you are.
Later—maybe hours, maybe days—when the fog clears, you're left sitting in the wreckage of your own reaction. The apologies you need to make. The relationship damage you need to repair. The exhaustion of not being able to trust yourself.
And underneath it all, that question that won't stop echoing:What's wrong with me?
I carried that question for years. The shame of snapping at people I loved over nothing. The confusion of watching myself shut down when I desperately wanted to stay present. The bone-deep weariness of feeling constantly ambushed by my own emotions, like I was living with a stranger inside my own body.
Here's what changed everything for me, and what I need you to understand right now:Nothing is wrong with you. Your triggers aren't evidence of brokenness—they're messengers carrying the map to your freedom.
What's Really Happening When You're Triggered
A trigger is your body's alarm going off for a threat that isn't actually here. It's your body remembering danger, even when your mind knows you're safe.
When you're triggered, your amygdala—your brain's ancient alarm system—detects something it recognizes from past pain. In milliseconds, faster than conscious thought, it hijacks your entire system. Stress hormones flood your body. Your rational brain goes offline. And suddenly you're not responding to what's actually happening—you're responding to every time you've ever felt this feeling.
This is the part most people miss: When your partner asks about the electric bill, you're not just reacting to that question. You're reacting to every time you were criticized as a child. Every time someone made you feel incompetent or irresponsible. Every time you learned that making mistakes meant you were unlovable.
Research shows that during triggering, your prefrontal cortex—the part that helps you think clearly and respond thoughtfully—goes offline. You literally lose access to your ability to choose your response.
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk's research reveals why:Trauma lives in the body, not just the mind.Your body stores implicit memories—body-based recordings of past pain that activate without your conscious awareness. These memories live in your fascia, your tissues, your cellular memory. You might not remember the specific incidents, but your body remembers exactly how they felt.
Here's the pin-drop moment: You're not overreacting. You're having a proportionate response to theaccumulatedpain your body is holding, not just the present situation.
The Devastating Cost of Unhealed Triggers
Let's be honest about what living with unhealed triggers actually costs you:
Your relationships suffer.People you love start walking on eggshells. They stop being authentic with you because they're afraid of setting you off. Or worse—they leave, confirming your deepest fear that you're too much, too broken, too difficult to love.
You lose trust in yourself.Every time you react in ways you regret, you reinforce the belief that you're unreliable, unstable, out of control. The shame compounds. You start avoiding situations where you might get triggered, shrinking your life to feel safer.
You stay stuck in patterns that hurt you.Maybe you keep attracting the same type of partner who activates your abandonment wounds. Maybe you sabotage opportunities because success triggers your "I don't deserve this" belief. Maybe you stay small because visibility triggers your fear of judgment.
Your body keeps score.The constant activation from unresolved triggers depletes you. Chronic stress. Sleep problems. Digestive issues. Anxiety. Depression. Your body systems are carrying the weight of unresolved trauma, and they're exhausted.
A 2020 study tracking individuals with unresolved emotional triggers found that over five years, they experienced 3.2 times higher rates of relationship dissolution and 2.8 times higher rates of chronic health conditions compared to those who engaged in trigger healing work.
But here's what most people don't realize: Every trigger you're carrying is also a doorway. Behind each one is a specific wound that's ready—right now—to heal.
The Hidden Gift Your Triggers Are Offering
I know this might sound impossible when you're in the aftermath of another triggering episode, feeling ashamed and depleted. But stay with me here.
Your triggers aren't random malfunctions. They're your psyche's brilliant way of saying: "This wound is ready. You're strong enough now. Let's heal this."
Think about it: You could have thousands of potential wounds from your past, but only certain ones get triggered regularly. Why those? Because those are the ones calling for your attention. The ones that are preventing you from living fully. The ones that, once healed, will unlock the next level of your freedom.
Every client I've worked with discovers this eventually—often with tears of relief: Their triggers weren't destroying their life. Their triggers weretrying to savetheir life by pointing them toward exactly what needed healing.
The Transformation That's Possible
Here's what I've witnessed hundreds of times, and what I know is possible for you:
When you heal the wound underlying a trigger, that trigger loses its power completely.Not through better coping mechanisms. Not through white-knuckling your way through. Through genuine resolution at the body level—releasing what's been stored in your fascia, your tissues, your subtle body.
That situation that used to send you into a rage or panic? It becomes neutral. You might still notice it's unpleasant, but it doesn't hijack you anymore. You stay present. You stay yourself.
Maria's story: She'd been triggered by any hint of criticism for 30 years. One seemingly innocent comment from her husband could send her into a shutdown that lasted days. After releasing the stored shame held in her body through subtle body work, she called me in tears: "He gave me feedback yesterday about dinner, and I just... listened. I didn't spiral. I didn't shut down. I justheardhim." That trigger—gone. The wound—healed.
Understanding Your Trigger Patterns
While everyone's triggers are unique, certain patterns show up repeatedly. See if you recognize yourself:
Criticism triggers→ You feel attacked when someone offers even gentle feedback. What it's really about: Early experiences where love felt conditional on being perfect. The wound underneath: "If I'm not flawless, I'm unlovable."
Control triggers→ Someone suggests what you should do and you immediately feel rebellious or trapped. What it's really about: Childhood where you had little autonomy or your choices were constantly overridden. The wound underneath: "If I let anyone influence me, I'll lose myself entirely."
Invisibility triggers→ Someone doesn't respond to your text or seems distracted, and you feel panicked or worthless. What it's really about: Early emotional neglect or having to compete for attention. The wound underneath: "I'm not important enough to matter."
Conflict triggers→ Any disagreement sends your nervous system into panic mode. What it's really about: Growing up with volatility or unpredictability where anger meant danger. The wound underneath: "Conflict means I'm not safe."
Abandonment triggers→ Someone needs space or cancels plans, and you feel devastated. What it's really about: Early experiences of loss or inconsistent caregiving. The wound underneath: "Everyone leaves. I'm not worth staying for."
Here's what matters: Once you identify the wound underneath, you can finally heal it—not just manage the symptoms.
The DECODE Framework: From Reactive to Free
This is the approach I use with clients to transform triggers from hijackers into teachers:
D - Detect the Pattern
Start noticing when you've been triggered. Signs: your reaction feels way bigger than the situation, you lose access to your calm self, you say or do things you regret, your body feels flooded.
Quick practice: Keep a simple trigger log for one week. When you have a strong reaction, note: What happened? How did I feel? How intense (1-10)? What pattern am I seeing?
E - Examine the Emotion Underneath
Anger usually masks deeper vulnerability—hurt, fear, shame. Shutdown protects against overwhelming feelings. Get curious: "What am Ireallyfeeling under this?"
The question that changes everything: "When have I felt thisexactfeeling before?" Usually, your current trigger connects to much older pain.
C - Connect to the Origin
Ask yourself: "When is the earliest I remember feeling this way? Who in my past made me feel this? What did I learn about myself from those experiences?"
You're not trying to dredge up trauma—you're compassionately connecting the dots so your nervous system can finally understand:That was then. This is now.
O - Observe Without Immediately Reacting
This is where Frankl's quote becomes your practice. Between stimulus and response is a space—that's where your power lives.
When triggered, try this: Name it ("I'm triggered"), breathe deeply three times, ground yourself (feel your feet, notice what's around you), then wait 60 seconds before responding. Research shows this pause reduces reactive responses by 58%.
D - Dialogue With the Protective Part
Get curious: "What is this reaction trying to protect me from? How old does this part of me feel?" Often you'll realize the part freaking out is your 8-year-old self who learned the world wasn't safe.
E - Embody New Responses
After a trigger, repair it: "I got triggered and reacted from old pain. That wasn't about you. What I actually need is..." Each time you respond differently, you're rewiring the pattern.
Why Talk Therapy Alone Often Isn't Enough
Here's something most people discover after years of traditional therapy:You can understand your triggers intellectually and still be completely hijacked by them.
Why? Because triggers are encoded in your body—in your fascia, your tissues, your cellular memory—not in your thinking brain. You can know exactly where your abandonment wound came from, understand the childhood origins, see the pattern clearly—and still panic when your partner needs space.
This is where body-based trauma release becomes essential.
Traditional therapy works top-down: understanding your way to healing. But trauma and triggers require bottom-up approaches: accessing the body's stored imprints and allowing them to finally release.
How Subtle Body Trauma Release Works Differently
Here's what most people don't realize:Trauma isn't just stored in your muscles or your brain—it's encoded in your fascia and in the subtle body itself.
The subtle body is the bridge between your physical body and the deeper layers of your experience. It's less tangible, less accessible through the mind alone. You can't think your way to it—you have to access it through the body.
Think of it as the next level of somatic work.We're working with your physical body, yes—but we're connecting with something more sublime. The subtle body holds a wisdom that your conscious mind doesn't have access to. It knows exactly where the protective mechanisms are hiding, what's blocking your progress, and how to safely release what you've been carrying.
Here's what makes this approach distinct: We're not talking about your triggers. We're not analyzing them. We're working directly with your body's wisdom to guide the release process. Your body knows what it's been holding. It knows what's ready to let go. My role is to create the conditions where that natural release can happen.
When trauma gets stored—whether from childhood experiences, overwhelming stress, or painful relationships—it embeds itself in multiple body systems. Not just one system, but layers of your physical and energetic being. The subtle body work allows us to access these deeper layers where traditional approaches can't reach.
The difference clients notice: Instead of learning to "cope better" with triggers, the triggers themselves transform. That criticism that used to send you spiraling? Your body stops holding the charge around it. Not because you're suppressing the reaction—because the stored trauma that created the trigger has been released.
David's experience: "I'd done five years of therapy understanding my anger triggers. I knew exactly why—my father's rage, feeling unsafe, all of it. But I still exploded at small things. After working with the subtle body release, something shifted at a level I can't fully explain. It wasn't in my head—it was like my body finally let go of something it had been gripping for decades. The trigger was just... gone." [Explore this approach through Health Harmony Revival Session]
Your Path Forward: From Understanding to Freedom
You've spent enough time managing your triggers. Avoiding situations that might activate them. Apologizing for reactions you couldn't control. Shrinking your life to feel safer.
What if this next year could be different?
Imagine six months from now: Your partner asks about the electric bill and you just... answer. No spike of rage. No defensive shutdown. Just a simple response from your calm, present self.
That colleague's tone that used to send you spiraling into shame? You notice it, recognize it's their issue, and move on with your day intact.
The criticism that used to confirm your deepest fear of being inadequate? You hear the feedback, take what's useful, release what isn't, and your nervous system stays regulated throughout.
This isn't fantasy. This is what happens when you heal triggers at their root.
The question isn't whether youcanheal your triggers—your nervous system is designed for healing and integration. The question is: Are you ready to stop managing symptoms and start resolving the source?
Questions to Illuminate Your Path
Sit with these. Your answers will reveal what's ready to heal:
What trigger causes me the most pain or disruption in my life right now?
If I could heal just one trigger, which would change everything?
What am I afraid will happen if I let myself fully feel the wound underneath?
Who in my life would benefit from me healing this pattern?
What becomes possible when I'm no longer hijacked by my past?
What You Need to Know
Q: Can triggers really disappear completely?
A: Yes—and understanding this changes everything. When you heal the underlying wound at the nervous system level, the trigger itself resolves. You might still notice the situation, but it no longer activates that intense response. It becomes neutral. This isn't suppression—it's resolution.
Q: How is this different from learning coping strategies?
A: Coping strategies help you manage symptoms. They're valuable for getting through the moment. But healing the wound itself—releasing what's stored in your body at the fascial and subtle body level—means you don't need to cope anymore. The trigger has transformed. It's the difference between building a dam and redirecting the river.
Q: What if I've had therapy and still struggle with triggers?
A: Traditional therapy offers crucial insight and understanding. But if your triggers persist despite years of talk therapy, it's usually because the work needs to happen at the body level, not just the cognitive level. Body-based trauma release accesses the layers where insight-based approaches can't reach—the fascia, the cellular memory, the subtle body where trauma is actually stored.
Q: How long does trigger healing take?
A: Some triggers resolve quickly—weeks or months—once you do the deeper somatic work. Others, especially those connected to complex trauma, take longer. But with each layer of healing, you experience tangible freedom. You'll know it's working because situations that used to hijack you simply... don't anymore.
Q: What if my trigger is actually warning me about real present danger?
A: Crucial distinction: If someone is genuinely mistreating you, your response isn't a trigger—it's appropriate self-protection. Triggers are about disproportionate reactions to neutral or minor situations. If someone is actually harming you, you need boundaries or distance, not trigger work.
You're Ready for This
I know you're exhausted. Tired of feeling controlled by reactions you don't want. Weary of the shame cycle. Worried that maybe this is just how you are.
But here's what I see that you might not see yet:Your triggers brought you here. They're pointing you toward exactly what needs to heal. And the fact that you're reading this means you're ready.
The part of you that keeps getting triggered isn't broken—it's been trying to get your attention. It's been saying, "There's a wound here. I need help. I'm ready to let this go."
You don't need to live at the mercy of your past anymore. You don't need to keep managing, coping, apologizing, shrinking. You can heal this at the root.
Every client I work with reaches a moment where they realize: The triggers that felt like their biggest weakness were actually their greatest teachers, showing them exactly where their power was trapped and waiting to be reclaimed.
Your triggers have been trying to free you. Now it's time to let them.
Begin Your Journey to Freedom
If you're done managing triggers and ready to heal them at their source, I understand that readiness. My First Steps to Freedom Session is designed specifically to identify your core trigger patterns and begin the subtle body release work that creates lasting transformation—not just insight, but genuine body-level healing.
In 50 minutes, we'll:
Identify the primary trigger pattern that's costing you the most
Trace it to the underlying wound
Begin working with your body's wisdom to release what you've been holding
Create your personalized roadmap for the healing ahead
This isn't another conversation about your triggers. This is where your body finally gets to let them go.
✨ Use code GET50NOW for 50% off your session (first 3 bookings this week). 👉 Click here to book your session
💛 A gentle reminder: you don’t have to spend years carrying what feels too heavy. There comes a moment when you choose "enough". That’s where real change begins, and I’m here to walk with you through it, safely. -Alida
