Decoding Resistance: What Your Body’s “No” Is Really Trying to Tell You
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
— Rumi
The Gym Membership You Never Used
You buy the gym membership with genuine intention. You have the conversation with yourself about health. You purchase expensive workout clothes. You schedule it into your calendar. Everything is set up for success.
Then Monday comes and you find a reason not to go. Wednesday arrives and the resistance is even stronger. By week three, the thought of going fills you with dread—not excitement, not just laziness, but actual physical resistance. Your body doesn't want to be there.
So you stop going. You pay the monthly fee and never use it, feeling guilty and ashamed every time you see the charge on your card. You tell yourself you lack discipline. You're weak. You can't follow through.
But here's the truth that changed everything for me: Your resistance isn't a character flaw. It's your body's intelligent refusal to do something that's fundamentally misaligned with who you are.
I lived this exact scenario in the late '90s. I had the perfect health plan, the perfect discipline, the perfect reasons. And my body's answer was a resounding no—not because I lacked willpower, but because somewhere deep inside, my system knew this path wasn't actually mine.
It took years to understand what that resistance was really telling me.
What Resistance Actually Is (And Why It's Not What You Think)
Most people experience resistance as laziness, lack of motivation, or weakness. So they push harder, apply more discipline, shame themselves into compliance. And the resistance gets louder.
This is because resistance isn't a character problem—it's a communication problem.
The Neurobiology of Resistance
When you feel resistance, something specific is happening in your nervous system. Research from the University of Pennsylvania shows that resistance activates the same neural pathways as actual threat detection—your amygdala fires, your stress response activates, your body prepares for danger.
But here's what's crucial: Your body isn't reacting to the activity itself. It's reacting to the misalignment.
Dr. Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory explains why. Your autonomic nervous system is constantly asking: "Does this feel safe? Does this feel aligned with who I am? Does this feel true?"
When the answer is no—when your mind says "do the healthy thing" but your body says "this isn't you"—your nervous system activates a protective response. It's not rebellion. It's wisdom.
A 2021 study in Frontiers in Psychology found that when people engage in activities that conflict with their core values and authentic self, their bodies show measurably higher stress markers—elevated cortisol, increased inflammation, disrupted sleep—regardless of the activity's objective benefits.
Here's the revelation: Your resistance isn't stopping you from being healthy or successful. It's protecting you from living inauthentically.
Where Resistance Lives in Your Body
Resistance has a physical signature. When you contemplate doing something your body resists, notice what happens:
Your chest tightens
Your stomach churns
Your breath becomes shallow
You feel restless, anxious, or numb
There's a subtle "no" that's almost impossible to override
This isn't anxiety about the activity—it's your body refusing misalignment. It's your system saying: "This doesn't match who I am. This isn't the path that leads to my authentic life."
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk's research reveals that your body holds wisdom about alignment that your conscious mind can't access. Your body knows what's true for you before your mind catches up.
Here's the pin-drop moment: Resistance isn't your enemy sabotaging your success. It's your deepest self protecting your authenticity.
Why This Matters More Than You Think
Understanding resistance as wisdom rather than weakness changes how you relate to it—and fundamentally changes your life.
The Cost of Overriding Your Body
When you ignore resistance and force yourself to comply, you're sending a message to your deepest self: "Your wisdom doesn't matter. I don't trust you. I'm going to follow someone else's plan even though you're screaming no."
This has profound consequences:
Self-betrayal: Every time you override your body's resistance, you reinforce the belief that you can't trust yourself. Your word to yourself means nothing. You can be forced to do things against your own knowing. This erodes self-trust at the deepest level.
Exhaustion: It takes enormous energy to override your nervous system's protective response. You're constantly fighting yourself, which drains your capacity for actual meaningful change. You're too depleted to pursue what actually matters.
Disconnection from yourself: The more you ignore your body's signals, the more distant you become from your authentic self. You stop knowing what you actually want because you've trained yourself not to listen.
Resentment and self-sabotage: Your body will eventually stop complying. It will "forget," get sick, find reasons you can't follow through. This isn't laziness—it's your deepest self insisting on being heard.
Research tracking 8,000 adults over 20 years found that those who chronically override their own resistance and pursue goals misaligned with their authentic values show 3.2 times higher rates of depression, burnout, and life dissatisfaction—even when they achieve their stated goals.
The Alternative: What Resistance Is Trying to Tell You
What if instead of fighting resistance, you got curious about it? What if you asked: "What is my body protecting me from? What am I afraid of? What's misaligned?"
When I finally asked these questions about my gym resistance, what emerged was striking: My body wasn't refusing exercise. It was refusing the story I'd attached to it—the idea that I needed to be punished into health, that my worth was determined by external metrics, that I had to earn my right to feel good about myself through suffering at the gym.
My body was saying: "This isn't love. This is violence against yourself disguised as self-care."
Once I understood that, everything shifted. I found ways to move my body that felt like joy, not punishment. I chose activities that aligned with who I actually am. And the resistance vanished—not because I had more discipline, but because there was no longer a conflict between my mind's agenda and my body's truth.
The Heart-Body-Mind Alignment
Here's something most people miss: You don't have a single "self" that wants things. You have at least three systems that can want very different things:
Your mind: Logical, analytical, influenced by what you "should" do. What you learned was successful, what others expect, what looks good on paper.
Your body: Intuitive, wise, honest. What actually feels good, what aligns with your authentic self, what leads to sustainable wellbeing.
Your heart: Your deepest knowing about what matters, what brings genuine fulfillment, what's true for you beyond external validation.
When these three are aligned—when your mind, body, and heart all want the same thing—life flows. Resistance disappears. Action feels natural.
When they're in conflict—when your mind says "do this" but your body and heart say "no"—you get resistance.
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk's research on embodied cognition reveals that your body and heart often know truths your logical mind hasn't grasped yet. They're not obstacles to your goals—they're protecting you from goals that would actually undermine your wellbeing.
Here's the question that changes everything: What if the things you're most resistant to aren't things you need to force yourself through? What if they're things you need to release?
The ALIGN Framework: Decoding Resistance
I've developed an approach to transform resistance from enemy to guide:
A - Acknowledge the Resistance
Stop fighting it. Simply notice: "I'm experiencing resistance. This is information."
Practice: When you feel resistance, pause and say aloud: "My body is saying no to this. That's okay. That's wisdom trying to reach me."
Notice where you feel it in your body. Notice what intensity it has. Notice what emotions accompany it. You're gathering data about what your system is protecting.
L - Listen to the Body's Signal
Your body is trying to communicate something crucial. Ask it directly.
Practice - The Body Dialogue:
Close your eyes
Bring to mind the thing you're resisting
Notice your body's response
Ask: "Body, what are you protecting me from by resisting this?"
Listen without judgment for what arises
Often you'll discover the resistance isn't about the activity—it's about what the activity represents or requires of you.
I - Investigate the Misalignment
What doesn't match? Where is the disconnect between what your mind wants and what your authentic self needs?
Powerful questions:
"If I did this, what would I have to believe about myself or accept about my life?"
"Whose version of success is this?"
"What would I have to give up or sacrifice?"
"Does this align with my actual values or someone else's values imposed on me?"
"What am I truly afraid of?"
Often, resistance reveals conflicts you hadn't consciously recognized: between your authentic self and others' expectations, between what you think you should want and what you actually want, between short-term discomfort and long-term misalignment.
G - Get Honest About Your Actual Desires
Beneath the resistance is often truth about what you actually want—which may be different from what you thought you wanted.
The Authentic Preference Exercise: Complete these sentences without editing:
"What I actually want is..."
"What matters most to me is..."
"If I didn't care what anyone thought, I would..."
"What I'm genuinely drawn to is..."
Your first instinct is usually closest to truth. Resistance often guards against acknowledging desires that conflict with expectations (your own or others').
N - Navigate the Fear
Once you see what your body is protecting you from, you can work with it directly instead of fighting the resistance.
Common fears beneath resistance:
Fear of being seen as selfish for choosing what you want
Fear of disappointing others by not following their plan for you
Fear of visibility or success that comes with pursuing authentic goals
Fear of change and the unknown that authenticity requires
Fear that if you stop fighting yourself, you'll lose control
Understanding the actual fear lets you address it. You don't need to fight resistance—you need to build capacity to handle what the resistance is protecting you from.
I - Integrate Through Somatic Release
This is where transformation happens. Resistance often isn't just a mental pattern—it's stored in your body as protective tension, incomplete stress responses, and somatic patterns that keep you stuck.
Subtle Body Trauma Release works directly with these patterns. We're not trying to convince you to override your resistance. We're working with your body's wisdom to release the stored patterns that created the misalignment.
The subtle body holds the imprints of times you had to ignore your own knowing to survive, times you learned that your authentic self wasn't safe, times others' agendas overrode yours. These imprints create the resistance you feel now—not as a problem, but as protection.
Through this blend of highly functional, evidence-based techniques, your body can release what it's been holding. When the protective patterns dissolve, alignment becomes possible—your mind, body, and heart can finally want the same thing.
Marcus's transformation: "I resisted every diet, every exercise program, every health goal I set. I thought I was undisciplined until I realized my body was resisting the punitive, perfectionist approach I'd learned from my father. Through somatic release work, I processed the trauma of being controlled through food and fitness. Once that released, I could engage with health from a place of self-love rather than self-punishment. I exercise now because it feels good, not because I'm forcing myself. The resistance is gone, not because I'm more disciplined—because there's no longer a war between my mind and body." [Explore this work through Health Harmony Revival]
G - Generate Aligned Action
Once you've decoded the resistance, you can design actions that actually align with your authentic self.
Practice - Aligned Goal Setting:
Identify something you want to create or change
Check alignment: Does this align with my authentic values? Does my body feel safe with this? Does my heart genuinely want this?
If yes, notice how different this feels from goals that generated resistance
If no, get curious: What would I actually want instead? What would feel aligned?
Aligned goals don't require fighting yourself. They feel like swimming downstream instead of upstream.
Daily Practices for Resistance Wisdom
Morning: Check Alignment 🌅
Before your day begins:
Notice: Are my activities today aligned with what matters to me?
Ask your body: Does this feel like yes?
Adjust if needed: What small change would create more alignment?
Throughout the Day: Resistance as Information ☕
When you notice resistance to something:
Pause instead of pushing through
Ask: "What is this trying to tell me?"
Notice if it's legitimate wisdom or an old protective pattern
Evening: Integration 🌙
Before bed:
Notice any moments where you honored your authentic self
Notice any moments where you overrode it
Practice self-compassion for both
What Becomes Possible When You Honor Resistance
Imagine pursuing goals that don't require fighting yourself. Where you naturally show up because they align with who you are and what matters to you.
You stop the exhausting internal war. Your energy returns. You have capacity for things that actually matter.
Your body and mind work together instead of against each other. You trust your own knowing. You make choices that feel true rather than imposed.
Life becomes less about forcing yourself through resistance and more about aligning with your authentic path. Some things become easier because they're actually right for you—not because you developed more discipline.
This isn't fantasy. This is what happens when you decode resistance and honor what it's telling you.
Questions to Guide Your Understanding
Sit with these without rushing to answer:
What am I most resistant to right now? What could that be protecting me from?
When have I honored my resistance and discovered it was wisdom?
Where am I pursuing someone else's vision instead of my own authentic path?
What becomes possible if I trust my body's signals instead of fighting them?
What fear is beneath my resistance?
What You Need to Know
Q: How do I know if resistance is wisdom or just fear/laziness?
A: Wisdom-based resistance feels grounded and clear—a "no" that makes sense once you investigate it. Fear-based resistance feels chaotic, spinning, and uncertain. Laziness doesn't typically activate your nervous system the way true resistance does. If your body is genuinely activating in protective ways, that's wisdom. If you're just avoiding discomfort, that's different. Ask your body—it knows the difference.
Q: What if I need to do something my body resists (like a necessary medical procedure)?
A: This is important to distinguish. Legitimate medical needs are different from lifestyle choices. Your body may resist because it's scared, not because the action is misaligned with your authentic self. In these cases, the work is building capacity to do necessary things while addressing the fear, not honoring the resistance by avoiding care.
Q: What if honoring my resistance means disappointing others?
A: This is often true, and it's part of why resistance exists—to protect you from the consequences of not meeting others' expectations. But disappointing others by being authentic is different from disappointing them by abandoning yourself. The first creates short-term friction and long-term integrity. The second creates long-term resentment and disconnection from yourself.
Q: How is this different from just doing what feels good?
A: Alignment isn't about comfort—it's about authenticity. Sometimes doing what's truly aligned feels uncomfortable (leaving a safe but inauthentic job, having difficult conversations, pursuing dreams others don't support). The difference is that aligned discomfort feels purposeful, whereas misaligned action feels like fighting yourself even when it feels comfortable.
Q: Can resistance patterns really change, or am I just stuck with my nature?
A: Resistance patterns are learned protective responses, not fixed personality traits. When you release the protective mechanisms driving them and build alignment between your mind, body, and heart, resistance naturally transforms. It's not about becoming someone different—it's about coming home to who you actually are.
You're Not Broken—You're Honest
I see you—ashamed of your "lack of discipline," convinced there's something wrong with you, watching others follow through on goals while you can't seem to force yourself.
Your resistance isn't a flaw. It's your deepest self refusing to abandon you.
Your body learned early that your authentic knowing wasn't safe. Maybe you had to ignore what you wanted to survive. Maybe others' agendas always overrode yours. Maybe you learned that being yourself meant losing love or safety. Your resistance developed as protection—a way to keep your authentic self from being completely consumed by what others wanted from you.
That resistance has been costly. It's kept you from pursuing things you actually want. It's created shame and self-judgment. It's exhausted you with internal war.
But it's also been faithful. It hasn't let you completely abandon yourself, even when you tried.
The path forward isn't fighting harder. It's listening—really listening—to what your body has been trying to tell you all along. It's recognizing that the things you resist aren't necessarily things you need to force yourself through. They might be things you need to release.
And the things you're genuinely aligned with? They don't require resistance. They flow. You show up naturally. There's no internal war.
That's possible for you. Your body knows the way.
Begin Your Journey to Authentic Alignment
If chronic resistance has been creating internal conflict and preventing you from living authentically, I understand that exhaustion. My First Steps to Freedom Session is designed to help you decode what your resistance is actually protecting you from and begin the somatic release work that creates genuine alignment.
In 50 minutes, we'll:
Identify what your resistance is truly signaling
Trace the protective patterns to their origins
Begin releasing the somatic blocks to alignment
Map your pathway to authentic, aligned living
This isn't about developing more discipline. This is where your body and mind finally get to work together.
Discover how Subtle Body Trauma Release can help you align with your authentic path through The Journey.
✨ Use code GET50NOW for 50% off your session (first 3 bookings this week). 👉 Click here to book your session
💛 A gentle reminder: Your resistance isn't your enemy. It's your deepest self insisting on being heard. Listen to it. -Alida
